When You’re Standing In It

Anyone that knows me knows I have never had the confidence to do this. I don’t know if it’s confidence, happiness or the fact I’m on the back nine of my life & I’m not guaranteed eighteen. This is the best space that I have been in mentally, spiritually, socially, comedically in, at least, the last 5 years. Floating with the sensation of peaking on mushrooms is the only way I can describe my existence at this present time. This hasn’t been easy. It’s been difficult for me to allow others to love me when I haven’t known how to love myself. Within these last few months I have been gifted support of so many people, on & off camera, that see the beauty within myself and are guiding me to become the energy that most people consider me to be.

Over the years a number of people have stopped believing in this franchise. I don’t blame them. I have given plenty of opportunities for people to jump off. There are some that never got on board. I don’t blame them. I didn’t present myself in the best of terms. It’s all on me. There have been times in my life when I have been beyond phenomenal. Some of you remember. That’s why you still have stuck with me throughout it all. I will never let you down again. Words are words. The only thing I can/will do is let my actions speak my truth, my story. I have acquired a standard of commitment not only to/for myself but you & a girl in my life. I obtained the ability to give myself away to everybody all the time. It seems others need it more than I do.

Opportunities. I have had more than I deserve. Second chances. I have had five. I still work towards opportunities I don’t know if I deserve. I just have a hope. We’re not guaranteed tomorrow & the chances I do get to grace a stage, I cherish. It’s an opportunity to share a moment. Which now a days is becoming a valuable commodity. Laughter is amazing. When a person laughs they are completely open. No offense. No defense. That’s a moment one can touch their soul. It’s tremendous. In time, people will see the love & work I have been putting in. My work on stage showcases the work I have been doing off stage. Like, how my outer beauty is a display case for my inner beauty. With the presentations I have given this film called life, I understand why I am where I am. I wouldn’t want it any other way. It has gifted me a perspective that we all have but don’t often voice.

I understand so much of this is billboards for who we are. Universe forbid anyone who gets truly real on these platforms. It seems the etiquette of social media is to share ones life but keep your doubts, fears, insecurities, questions to yourself. Stop raising your fucking hand! Feeling doubt? Share a funny meme or inspirational one. Watch sports stupid! Tom Brady is on! Call someone dumb for not liking the same political villain as you. If they comment something witty back. Block them. You don’t need any negativity on your page. On your birthday ask other people to donate to your favorite charity to show that you care. Those pics of your third marriage look better than the ones from your first marriage. I think you’re starting to get it. Show your kids succeeding. Might as well, the older you get the more your relevancy lives in them. When back in the day becomes back in my day your time is up. The groundwork has been laid out for the generation after yours and you’re realizing y’all didn’t do enough work. It’s a generational crisis. It’s what every generation goes through and will go through. It’s the price we pay when people react to the punchlines while ignoring the premises.

Part of PC culture is that it censors society. We censor expression, we censor feelings. We censor feelings, we censor thought. We censor thoughts a society suppresses and bursts into the political & social climates we have today. As ugly as words/expression/feelings/thoughts seem at most times, there are moments when they are beyond fucking amazing! (Example, inspirational memes.) We’re looking for a perfection that already exists. The challenge is when you’re standing in perfection it’s difficult to look out to see it. There’s no reason to worry. There’s no reason to be in a hurry. The most important race in life has already been won. The sperm that made it to the egg that created you. I’m going to create the artist/person I want to be, flaws & all. Time is forever. We’re not. Never be afraid to Be you. Be L.O.V.E. (Light Of Vibrating Energy.)

I’m here 24/7 for anyone that needs anything.

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